Vibe with Queen

By Queen Edel

It’s been ages since I last wrote anything on here. I personally didn’t think it would take this long but here we are. The last time I wrote here was in July when I lost one of the people I loved the most in the world, my grandmother. At first I said to myself ‘let God’s will be done’, then all that was replaced by anger, then an intense backslide then pain and regret.

I think it’s normal for everyone to have a different way of grief. Some will cry, stay depressed then pick themselves up while others will take way longer to be able to pick themselves up. As someone who has never lost someone so dearly loved like my grandma, I realized I take too long to move on from grief and during the grieving process, instead of letting go and letting God, I did the exact opposite.

I remember during my grandmother’s last moments in hospital and during her last words to me, I was deeply convicted to let God control everything in my life henceforth. I was determined to live by that and like my grandma, die like that when the time came..but oh boy! I went back to the old me who was angry at God. I went from a prayer a day to a prayer a week to no prayer at all but still, He was merciful enough to sustain me.

In spite of all that anger, I was still able to get a job and pulled through despite the pressure of the recruitment process. Everything in my life was going well and my neglect of God was also growing bigger. Who would’ve thought things would go downhill? In November, I got a throat infection and was given a couple of injections before getting better. I was then telling myself that it was normal to get sick once in a while. The once in a while then became every other day and this December, I have had it a little too rough.

So I have had issues with acidity before but at first I thought it was just normal acid reflux, then perhaps a little ulcers, then it became too much. I choked on acid reflux while asleep, developed a sore throat, lost my voice and had tonsillitis. I got injections for those then I was sure everything was all good. Oh how I was wrong! You know that feeling when you eat a very sour lemon and then it passes through your throat leaving an almost burning sensation? That feeling of acid stuck in my throat stayed for too long(basically days on end) then I had to have it checked out. I was then put on a drip and injections for that then given medication which didn’t function so I had to have the medication changed.

At this point, anyone would think that everything was finally under control. Personally, vomiting everything I ate wasn’t part of my plan but it was the final wake up call. While crying on the floor with the plate of rice that I had tried eating and vomited to the last bit, a sudden fear of death overcame me. I was like, what if I die here with no one around? At this point, all those sickness sheets made me extremely worried that I would lose my job and the thought of having to look for a new one made me weak in the knees.

I know if you’ve read this far, you’re probably wondering how any of this concerns you. Well maybe it does because I personally wouldn’t want anyone to be in the deep end with lots of calamities befalling them before finally getting right with God. If you are to get right with Him, do it now when you’re still healthy! I know it’s hard to go back but trust me it’s the best decision. I felt so bad for all the disrespectful, foul and blasphemous things I had said and done due to anger but as soon as I got down on my knees and cried asking God to forgive me and take over, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

As I write this, a new set of medication has been prescribed again this morning but I am no longer afraid. I know that my healing doesn’t lie in them but it all lies in Christ. It has taken all these months to be able to see the light and my body has had to experience all that pain before it finally entered my thick skull that I can’t do anything by myself but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. To me, being book smart isn’t anything if you’re not smart enough to surrender your life and plans to the will of God. That has been my greatest lesson this year.

As the new year approaches, there are many things that I definitely am going to do differently. There are many things that I am definitely going to change and a lot of other things I’ll have to omit or adjust. Everyone has to sacrifice in order to reach a certain point in life and right now, I think the biggest thing I will gladly sacrifice are my carnal desires and plans. God knows the plans He has for us and these plans are never to harm us but to give us a hope and a future. Well, I’d rather move on the opposite direction from the rest of the world but find my peace and healing in Jesus. You can too!

Finally, I believe I’ll write an article in the near future about dieting for those with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) because I too could do great with that research and information since many people perish due to the lack of knowledge (of God especially!) As I pick up the pieces, I hope you won’t wait to reach the point I have or even worse before living life the right way. All in all, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, I pray that a new hope, a new faith, a new joy will be born in your heart and just like the star that led the three wise men to Bethlehem, it’ll guide you to the feet of Jesus. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!