By Queen Edel
Ever been in several difficult situations at the same time and felt like giving up? Ever felt like life was throwing too many difficulties your way for you to bear? Ever felt like maybe life was being too unfair to you? Honestly, I have felt all this and it vividly describes how June of 2023 has been for me.
However much it may not seem like it, everyone has had a fair share of worry, disappointment and heartbreak. Some by friends, family, jobs, businesses, health and what nots. It is evident that everyone has experienced anxiety and fear at least once in their lives. According to Frank Minirth, Paul Meier and Don Hawkins the authors of ‘worry- free living‘, anxiety is experienced when you are uncertain of what is going to happen while fear is experienced when you know what you’re worried about. Haven’t we all been fearful and anxious in our lives?
June for me was full of fear and anxiety and it was extremely draining financially, emotionally and mentally. For a start, the month began with me fearful of the fact that I was running low on funds, in other words, becoming broke by the second. However, that fear was nothing compared to the anxiety I felt when my grandmother who had successfully undergone a major surgery in May and recovered was hospitalized in a much worse state than pre-surgery. The anxiety joined hands with fear immediately I found out that she had stage four cancer.
As someone with a mental disorder, it was impossible not to have sleepless nights filled with severe insomnia and hallucinations. When she went into a coma, my heart began breaking by the second and what I feared the most happened; I lost her. Now, I know you may be thinking, ‘isn’t it normal to lose someone in her 80s? Shouldn’t you be more heartbroken if you lose a younger close family member?’ No, you’re wrong. To me, my grandmother was a very close family member. She was basically both my mother and grandmother in my early teenage years and the best and only grandmother I was lucky enough to see and spend time with.
She was a pillar of love and prayer. She loved everyone equally without caring if the person was family or not. She was generous and never failed to give to anyone who came to her doorstep. She wished the best for everyone and prayed for all her children and grandchildren by saying their names followed by specific prayer requests according to their needs. As I write this, she is yet to be buried and tears are blinding my eyes as I think of all the memories I had with her and the ones I could have had but will not. What breaks my heart even more is how my mother stayed by her side, taking her to several hospitals throughout her life and illness. Seeing my mother in pain rips my heart apart.
Well, you may be going through an even difficult situation right now with triple the pain I’m in but guess what? You’re still here. There are many people who in the face of difficulty, try to hold on but fail and take their own lives. If you’re still holding on, you got this! The first and most important thing is to stay alive. Do it for yourself! Secondly, think of your loved ones. In my case as the first child, I have to stay strong both for my siblings and my parents, especially my mom. Since it’s hard to hold everything in and be a support system for everyone while hurting, it’s important to find a way of releasing all the pain and stress. Some people do this by repressing the traumatic memories and avoiding the emotions (this can lead to severe trauma and mental conditions) while others talk to someone they trust and find comfort in their hobbies.
In my opinion, one of the first and I’d say best ways of releasing the pain off your chest is through prayer because like I had said in one of my articles last year, you get to talk to Someone who won’t go around sharing your problems with everyone and exposing all your pain to the vultures of this world. The second way is talking to someone you trust. In my case, I do so to my therapist and afterwards, I get into my hobbies. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to your family or friends. In my case as I had earlier mentioned in my recent article, I tell them only the parts that won’t worry them because I know they’re also fighting battles of their own.
Now, this may sound easier said than done which I know it does but taking the initiative to try makes all the difference. I may be pained from my grandmother’s death, broke and anxious of what’s going to happen in my life or the direction I’ll take but at least I have the will to stay alive and fight knowing I am not alone. I know God is always with me and that somewhere, my grandma is watching over me therefore however dry the desert road is, I am willing to survive. I am willing to take the initiative to turn the lemons thrown at me and make lemonade to quench my thirst as I navigate the desert road. I know I can do it, and so can you!
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