Vibe with Queen

By Queen Edel

So, I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Yes, I just dropped the bombshell. I know many questions are stirring up in your mind on what that is and how my diagnosis concerns you. Wait, I’m about to unveil some of the things that are associated with this disorder that is not only still foreign to my mind but also associated with so many stereotypes that even I know.

When the psychiatrist I had visited told me I had bipolar disorder,there were so many questions in my head one of them being; am I going crazy? For those who associate Bipolar with craziness like I initially did, it is a mood disorder associated with causing extreme mood swings consisting of emotional highs ( mania or hypomania) and lows (depression).

As someone who has battled clinical depression for years without medical assistance because I thought I could handle it, I knew it was set to graduate to something worse. Also, as someone who experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood and while growing up, I ended up with this disorder that I’m still trying to wrap my head around and learning how to live with since it’s lifelong.

Enough with the sad energy, let’s get into why I decided to write all this down. First and foremost, I was motivated to seek professional help when I saw Jackson Wang, a Chinese Kpop Idol openly talking to his fans (myself included) about his battle with mental health issues. I realized that I was not the only one fighting but that even though I was the only one who knew what I was going through, I didn’t have to fight alone.

This in a way makes sense because once I met other people with Bipolar Disorder on TikTok, I didn’t feel like an outcast anymore. Do not be afraid to speak openly about mental health or mental illnesses because there are other people out there going through the same thing and your openness might actually save a life. I for instance, felt less suicidal after realizing there were great people out there with Bipolar.

My diagnosis has changed me in many ways one of them being that I have set to rekindle the flame I had for Jesus and the great relationship we once had. My view of life has also changed since now I understand how precious life is and how important every single day is. I have learnt to treasure the present and not think too much of the past or future. It still is a working progress but I keep reminding myself to enjoy and appreciate the present since I don’t know what might happen tomorrow or the day after.

I have also learnt to appreciate the people in my life because during the time when I felt most suicidal,it was one person in my life who wasn’t even that close to me that kept me at bay. She was like an angel sent from heaven to prevent me from hurting myself.

To the people who know a friend or loved one with mental illness, remember to be kind and avoid as much as possible anything that might trigger an episode whether depressive or manic. A friend in university once triggered me unknowingly till I ended up in a depressive episode for like three weeks. Be careful what you say or ask someone with mental illness or just anyone for that matter because you never know what someone is going through.

All in all, I’m willing to fight this through prayer, medication and therapy because faith without works is dead. I know that I have Bipolar Disorder but it doesn’t have me. I got this and so do you . We can still achieve our dreams and goals in spite of these hurdles of mental illness or whatever situation you might be considering too big. With God, nothing is impossible. He is bigger than the biggest.